Okay, well, I’ve certainly not been on here in a long time.
I could give lots of reasons, but ultimately, I did not have much to say. I did not have any forward momentum.
Eventually, I forgot about the blog entirely.
But, I went to DragonCon last year and attending some workshops. They lit a fire under me and when I returned, I decided I had to do something.
In order to use the advice and tips I learned, I felt like I’d have to rewrite my old novel from scratch, and I wasn’t prepared for that. So I opted for the ‘easier’ course. I decided to write a new book.
I’d had an idea floating around in my mind since January/February of 2010. I’d written a 6K word scene and even toyed with making it into a webcomic. Though that fell through, I still had the extra material I’d written for the comic, so I decided to use that as a starting place.
I wrote the book in 54 days. I’ve never worked so fast in my life.
Since then, I’ve been editing and fiddling with it. Some friends have read over it, I’ve put the first chapter up for review on a literary forum and got some good (and not so good) feedback. But, as I’ve done more of this, I’ve noticed something about my state of mind.
While I was working on the book, a lot of different things started really ‘perking up’ in my life. Even my dull day job wasn’t so bad as I wrote up a storm. All kinds of insecurities and mental hogwash seemed to fade away to nothing while the writing continued.
Then I finished the book and finished the first edit and now, as I pluck through the dreaded, soul-destroying rewrites and additional edits, I find all those insecurities and low feelings creeping back.
I didn’t associate the ‘good place’ with the act of writing, but I’m beginning to wonder. Was it that sense of accomplishment, that high, that made everything seem better? Or is it simply that I had a good routine and now that its broken, I’m floundering?
Talking to some others, I’ve learned this experience isn’t unique. But that makes it no less odd. I think it has to do with the difference between following one’s passions and, well, not. That’s what made everything seem better, or at least gave me the strength to deal with the stuff that was not good.
I’m contemplating a major shift in focus. It’s scary and thrilling at the same time. As I do, I am beginning to feel some of that fire returning. Part of that is a return to blogging. I may even start tweeting, who knows.
I’ve felt lost for weeks now. Maybe this shift will be the right thing, the right direction. I certainly hope so.